Conversation 101
The Professor

Today, I will give: instruction on how to carry on a conversation. Now many of you might think that conversation is unnecessary. But as anyone who has had to endure the delay of your erection after taking Viagra can tell you conversation can make the whole pill-popping process useless, especially, if she isn't unconscious or on Roofies. But help is on the way. Read on.

Step 1 : Start by introducing yourself, Here is a baste formula. "Hi. My name is (1st name here) " the (a strong visual adjective.) Example "Hi. My name is John the Semen-Encrusted." Grab her attention.

Step 2: Begin conversation with something very agreeable.
Examples: "Women are genetically prone towards gullibility." or "Black people are a separate species from white people." or "God, this is goirlg to be the longest hour of our lives." Just so long is she feels your pain.

Step 3: Expand. Offer evidence to back up your claims.
Examples: "Look around. There are 5 billion people here." or "Just look at their hair." or "I haven't even finished Step 3 of Conversation 101."

Step 4: Ask about her. Although this almost invariably leads to mindless conversation, many times it will take take almost the entire hour.

Step 5: Be sensitive. W'hen she tells you she wants to go home, vvhat she really wants is for you to understand and sympathize with her plight. But above all, don't take her home. This ends the conversation and wastes $10 on the pill. Also, don't let her talk to her friends. Female to Female conversation will be covered at a later time, but let it suffice to say that it spells bad news for you and your chances for action tonight.

Step 6: Turn every comment she makes into a sexually suggestive remark. "Not gullible." becomes "You're very lovable, let's fuck." "Everyone's different." turns into "I'm indifferent about my sexuality." And "Let me go, let me go." is "I'm a ho, I'm a ho." or perhaps, "Let me go and put on lingerie." If all else fails, you can use eternally funny and smooth lines such as "That's what she said." and " I know you are, but what am I"

Step 7: HOOK IT UP! Very important. New scientific evidence suggests that language developed not for hunting purposes, but rather so that smooth pick-tip lines (See Step 6) could be expressed. It's all about reproduction, Don't wear a condom, make sure she's not on the Pill. Do you take showers wearing a towel? Neither do I. Unroll a condom anti spit in it when you're done so she'll think you used one.

Step 8: Leave. Remember, the last thing you want to do is push your luck. Warning: Conversation often unpredictable at this point. You're only in Conversation 101 so don't get too cocky, there, cowboy.