Hey all, it's me again. Just to get this out of the way, this is my last issue as editor of the Koala. I will be moving on to do bigger butter things. That's right, I am the proud new employee of Steve's Butter World in Modesto, California. So if you need butter, give me a call and I'll hook you up. I figured what better way to use my computer science degree than churning butter. I mean, computers do run on butter.
But really, I was thinking about the male G-Spot and the way I see it, the path you have to take to get there isn't worth the results. Sure it may feel really good (not that I know), but at what cost? A stinky hand, that's what cost. I don't care how good something is, if I have to dig in my butt to find it, forget about it. In fact, you could stick a million dollars in my colon, and I'd let it sit there forever `cause there's no way in hell I'm gonna stick my hand up my butt to get it.
I was also thinking about how much thinking I do. I think a lot. Sometimes I think without even thinking about it. But I like to think, I think it's healthy. See, I just did it. The problem with thinking is that no one gets to hear all your great thoughts. That's why I like talking too. And writing, because writing is just like talking with spelling. I'd like to take this time to beg you all to not support companies that use that "I Believe I Can Fly" song in their ads. Also, don't support companies that computer generate talking lips onto dogs or babies. |
And while you're at it, don't support communism.
A lot of hard work and beer went into the making of this issue. I don't even remember working on some parts of it I was so drunk. It's not my best work, but if you want to see my best work I can show you pictures of my poo. Actually, I like it. It's got lots of lists, pictures, and even a dick joke or two
This being my last issue, I guess I need to thank some people. Firstly, I'd like to thank Berkeley for not accepting me because had I gone there I might have a degree that's worth something, but I wouldn't have had The Koala. Wait, I think I got shafted, damn you Berkeley, damn you!! Secondly, I'd like to thank alcohol for getting me through some tough times. Thirdly, I'd like to thank Jesus for always being funny (espe¬cially when he has anal sex with chickens high on crack). Fourthly, I'd like to thank Taco Bell for the delicious Combo #1. Fifthly, I'd like to thank me for all the times I gave myself a hand job. Sixthly, I'd like to thank all the students at UCSD whose fees helped pay for a dildo used as a prop on Koala TV. You all own a piece of that dildo and I'd donate it to the school, but it's in my butt and you know I can't stick my hand in my butt. Seventhly, I'd like to thank all the people that put up with me over the past four years. Eighthly, I'd like to thank' anal sex, chickens, crack, monkeys, buttholes, dicks, pirates, ninjas, JM J. Bullock, Mr. T, retards, and ALF; without which, I would not be funny. Ninth, I'd like to thank Jerry Springer for doing that show with the really fat guy. I liked that. Tenth, I'd like to thank anyone who doesn't think this is filler. |
